Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Sewing Machine Voltage

       "You will not find my peace by engaging in excessive planning: attempting to control what will happen to you in the future. That is a commonly practiced form of unbelief. When your mind spins with multiple plans, Peace may sometimes seem to be within your grasp; yet it always eludes you. Just when you think you have prepared for all possibilities, something unexpected pops up and throws things into confusion.
       I did not design the human mind to figure out the future. That is beyond your capability. I crafted your mind for continual communication with Me. Bring Me all your needs, your hopes and fears. Commit everything to My care. Turn from the path of planning to the path of peace."

                                       ~from Sarah Young's Jesus Calling for September 17


It is no coincidence that I read that this morning. Turn from the path of planning to the path of peace. I've been thinking on the idea of peace lately. I've been reaching out for its tail as it seems to pass me by. And I've been praying about peace. My life seems pretty out of control at this juncture. A few reasons being:

We sold our home 7 months ago and have been living with my parents ever since (homeless)
We sold both of our vehicles in the past month (stranded)
All of our earthly belongings are in a storage container in another city (fragmented)
I'm supposed to be homeschooling our boys, but all of our textbooks and supplies are packed up (bored)
Our bank statement can't be right (poor)

Peace is kinda lacking, as you can see. The amount of planning I need to do right now is seriously overstimulating. We are moving overseas soon. There is so much to do. There are so many to do lists accumulating on real paper and in my mind. I have never had to calculate the amount of books we have (29 boxes, if you were wondering); I have never wondered the voltage of my sewing machine or the precise centimeters of our dog's crate. There are diversions everywhere, little details that have to be thought through.  But can I, at this early morning hour, turn away from all of that and turn toward the Prince of that which I seek?  Here's hoping.









Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Frustrations Galore!

Friends,
Do you remember that seen in The Princess Bride when Inigo Montoya is trying to persuade Miracle Max to help him by bringing Wesley back from the (mostly) dead? He starts by lying to Max with a disingenuous sob story about the Man in Black's family and why they need him so badly. When that doesn't work, he leans forward and with a fire in his eyes tells Max the real reason- he wants to humiliate the Prince. "Humiliations galore!" he promises. Max and he are united on their hatred of said prince, so the Miracle man agrees. Hi-diddle-lick-dell-danish!

That was a very long intro to merely explain my feeling this morning:
"Frustrations Galore!" (said in a Spanish accent)

I keep waiting for peace to settle into my life. Resolution, solid ground, a sense of feeling at home in my body, in my place, in my work. Where is this promised peace?

Even with this album of mine monasticFolkspeak, there is no peace. I had a very hard time deciding how to sell this music. Let's go even farther back: I had a very hard time deciding to even record these songs at all. My husband, forever pushing me toward good ideas, made this happen. I was very content to share these little creations with our church family and have it stop right there. But the hub's vision contained a much wider circle. He drew an arc so wide, I'm afraid the world could fit into it. That's how much he believes in this music. It is staggering, really.

I, on the other hand, think that maybe there is a niche group out there with enough interest in the Anglican Book of Common Prayer to care about these songs at all. My confidence is perhaps lacking.

The whole process of writing, recording, gathering musicians to collaborate, recording some more, editing, recording again, mastering - all of it was excruciating to me. No peace in it. Then I had to decide the genre, where and how to sell these songs, how much to invest upfront (after already having invested a lot in the process), how accessible the album should be, etc. Even at this point, after the whole process is pretty much finished (unless of course, I decide to make hard copies of the album), I can feel my blood sugar rise when I start to enter the mess of it again.

But I have to enter the mess of it again as I've realized that some of you have tried to buy the album and had some troubles. Bandcamp is a great platform for independent artists that can't hire the legal aid you'd need to sell your music on iTunes. BUT there seem to be some glitches, too. I've emailed the technical support there and am waiting on a reply. Maybe I should just go old school and sell CD's, ditching the digital album game.

Either way, I will write again when I have further clarity (peace?) about how or where you can buy the album. Thanks for your support!